I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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