I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
