im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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