Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
this will be a night to untag.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
