Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
