Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
