i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
