and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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