I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
