ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
