My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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