This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
