I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
