I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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