Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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