Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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