as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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