You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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