I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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