Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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