wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The best revenge is premature balding
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
