she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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