I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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