Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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