The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
