Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
