bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
