I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
