I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
