u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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