Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Randomize
