Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
there is glitter all over my balls
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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