You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
