so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
