I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I supernannyed him into submission
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
