Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
