so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
