U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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