I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
