break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
