I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
