Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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