Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
