my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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