I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.