sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
