I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
