no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.