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there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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