He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
