Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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