i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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