so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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