My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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