Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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