Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
These tits shall not be calmed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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