so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
