I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
