Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
