Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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