The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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