drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
