I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
