Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
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I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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