Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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