Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
