we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
