He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
