you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I intend to get homeless drunk
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
