Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
