Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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