i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
