I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
