is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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