Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
God I need to hump something, right now.
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