so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
